Monday, May 19, 2008

Shrimp rolls with baby heirloom lettuces and refrigerator pickles, or The Odyssey

I have done it. I have created the perfect sandwich. BEHOLD MY CREATION! It is the way, the truth and the light. With an ice-cold Czech pilsner, salt and vinegar potato chips and some quick pickled radishes and Persian cukes, this sandwich is a religious experience. Praise the sandwich! Amen.

Let me tell you more about why this sandwich puts the other sandwich to a blushing shame.

Could it be the homemade mayonnaise, achingly sculpted from free-range organic eggs, white wine vinegar and olive oil from the teats of vestal virgins? Perhaps.

Is it the fresh bronze fennel fronds and parsley flowers plucked directly from my garden's nether regions (and fresh tarragon and thyme from the uh, store) minced powder-fine with sweet shallot? Could be. Heirloom bunte forellenschuss lettuce and rocket, harvested at the tenderest infancy? Oh yes, that too.

Maybe it's the pain au levain, with its shattery exterior and gossamer interior, baked fresh atop an ancient megalith. Okay, the stone isn't really ancient, but it does have cool black stains from a calzone that exploded once.

Vernal sugar snap peas, luscious wild gulf prawn meat, and the mineral serenity of celery join forces in a sandwich fit for gods and heroes, to be supped in the lazy twilight that follows epic battles and lovemaking.

And refrigerator pickles. You, pickle of impatience. Pickle of haste. Quickle.

You are hewn from delicate Persian cucumbers, translucent radishes and hairline slivers of shallot. Your three vinegars are white wine, for elegance; white balsamic, for eloquence; and apple cider, for spunk. You are spiced with the seed of coriander, black mustard, caraway, fennel and celery. You are the salt of the earth (err... of the sea, actually).

O, shrimp roll and refrigerator pickle, for whom I wax majestic: I breathe unto you creation! Now go! Fulfill your destiny and become my dinner. Circle of life and whatnot.


John said...

Once again you make me salivate with such force that I must procure a new keyboard from the local shopkeeper. One day I'm stopping in for a four course meal.

- NiX

glamah16 said...

Damn girl, your on a roll! You made those pickles. Thats a mighty nice sammich. Chilled Shellfish and pickled veg is one of my favorite.Please dont burn out with all of these great posts. I need my dose of Heather.

Peter G said...

Another entertaining read! Love how you wrote this piece. LOL @ exploding calzone. I love the "sammich" and the pickles. Strangely enough I have all those ingredients here...I wanna try baby cucumbers in that solution. Cheers Luv!

Marc @ NoRecipes said...

I don't know which I like the sound of more, the pickles (with my favourite type of cuke), or the shrimp rolls (one of my favourite sandwiches). I guess I'll have to make both and see which one I like better.

Vicki said...

All praise to the Sandwich and Its Creator. You rock.

peter said...

If my rosy fingers were long enough, I'd snatch that sandwich from your wine-dark fridge and eat it up.

Homemade mayo is the only way to go.

Foodycat said...

Now that is a religious experience I can get behind!

Peter M said...

I may be mistaken but it sounds as though you dug this sangwich, correct?

You're missing the most important reason why this sandwich rocks and other seafood po'boy's fail...skimpy on the seafood. You've gots big, honkin' shrimp in bite and you know there's shrimp in there.

kittie said...

What are trying to do to me?? Great writing and a shrimptastic roll..

Oh... and btw... I've nominated you for an award... ;P

Bellini Valli said...

I was ready to go out and make this sandwich right quick look in the roll, no shrimp, no heirloom lettuces..I could make some mayo...but mayo sandwich does NOT a legend make:D

giz said...

Oooo baby, you got alot goin' on there. Isn't creation a wonderful thing! It's like having a baby without pain.

Ben said...

I bow to you, oh great creator of things that make you go hmmmmmm. I shall sacrifice a dozen virgins in your name. (I hope this is enough to get some of that delicious sandwich)

Foodycat said...

Hmmm - this got into my subconscious. I just spent 1/2 an hour tearing the shelves apart in the supermarket looking for a shrimp roll. Had to settle for crayfish salad with noodles.

cook eat FRET said...

great sandwich
want it
yet i'll never have it
it will always be my favorite vicarious sandwich

but really, i just want to know one thing...

when you typed the word "quickle" did you cackle out loud?

Núria said...

You are exultant here Heather!!! What a wonderful poetic post! Did you finally eat the sandwich or did you made an altar for it? ;-) Did you masticate it or it went straight to the vein :D? He, he... good weather feels good on you!

Judy @ No Fear Entertaining said...

Great Post Heather! Take your likin' your garden???

Jeff said...

I owe you one. I was staring at the garden and went holy shit I think I overplanted on radishes whatever am I going to do with them. Tada problem solved.

cookiecrumb said...


Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I think you nailed it when you said all the fresh stuff. It's that "I made it" or "I grew it" that wins the taste tests for me.

This looks OUTRAGEOUS. LOVE shrimp salad and love seafood rolls and love pickles...

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

I loved this post Heather! How awesome! This does sound like quite and achievment in the world of sandwiches! I would love a bite right now! All I have are the damn chips!

My Sweet & Saucy said...

That shrimp rolls looks so good! I really wish I could have one for lunch!

tammy said...

"Quickle" (more cackles)

"Epic battles and lovemaking" (sighs)

I am officially jealous of this sandwich and the post itself.

Leigh said...

I need to catch my breath..hang on...nearly there...whew! this blog onslaught is killing me, I'm spending most of my day hungry cos of all this sweet, sweet food porn.

MrOrph said...

Great post Heather! Wow, what a great sandwich. Do you think you can make it exactly the same again?

Hillary said...

That looks like one incredibly satisfying summer sandwich! Thanks for the photos.

Heather said...

Geez, thanks everybody! I've been out in the rain all day and just got to read all the happy praise.

Nix - Is that a threat or a promise?

Courtney - Don't worry, I'll try not to fly too close to the sun. :D

Petah - I'm glad you liked it. It's silly, but I was totally cracking myself up.

Marc - I think you'll find they're best enjoyed in the synergy of the coupling.

Jube - Homemade mayo is definitely worth it. So versatile!

Foodycat - Amen! :)

Peter the Greek - There was so much shrimp that it kept tumbling out onto the plate and we had to scoop it up with potato chips. nOm nom nom

Kittie - Me, Oh goodie! I can't wait to see it!

Valli - You could make a fried egg sammich with mayo!

Giz - Oh, there was pain involved: pain au levain!!! Oh man I kill.

Ben - Just make sure you get all of the olive oil out of their teats first. :)

Foodycat again - It sounds like you scored. We don't have crawfish at our store! :f

Claudia - I was cracking up the entire time I wrote this.

Núria - Haha! I savored it, moaning in glee while I masticated. :D

Judy - I love my garden. Love it!

Jeff - You can make a sukemono-style salad with them too. I love radishes!

Crumbs of Cookie - It seemed better than "frickle" at the time.

Jen - I'm so glad that homegrown is haute these days! I grow all the fancy (expensive) stuff so I don't hafta spend $5 on one tomato.

Jenn - Potato chips? You're halfway there, madear!

Melody - I wish I had more, too. You just can't diss a good sammich!

Tammy - Quickle, quickle, quickle! I'm glad you liked the "epic battles" part. :)

Leigh - I have been on something of a rampage lately, haven't I? I should just write them all and save them for a rainy day. :)

Mr. Orph - This was a golden moment of sunshine and unicorns, but I think it could be done again.

Hillary - You're welcome! It was like shooting a baby. Uhhh..wait...

Heather said...

Vicki - Yikes, sorry! I guess even The Creator (of Sammich) has off-days. :)

Nikki Miller-Ka said...

I'm proud of your mayonnaise infused with virginal slickness.
Did you make those cukes yourself?

How in the hell do you have time to make all of this?

Brittany said...

Damn Heather.
I'm like, touching myself.

Emiline said...

Whoa- this a crazy good looking sandwich. All of those flavors...

Meghan said...

Oh MY~

This looks amazing!

I love your blog!

Heather said...

Nikki - Grand Theft Auto 4 came out a couple weeks ago, and that keeps the hubz occupado.

Brittany - I told you that sammich was good!

Emiline - All the flavors came together in perfect harmony. ^_^

Meghan - Thank you!

Norm Schoen said...

Pickle....Quickle....very nice! You need to be doing this for your day job. You inspire me daily ; )