Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Totchos

Quebec may have poutine, but we in Portland have a wondrous thing called totchos. They are effectively nachos, intelligently substituting the mundane tortilla chip with tater tots, and they are as good as they fucking sound. Suck it, Quebec.

Totchos have many uses: first, doy - they're nutritious and gluten-free; second, they cure PMS and SAD; and third, they're the perfect gift for that special Atkins dieter that you've been dying to piss off.

Mine are the high-falutin'est totchos you'll likely see, but that's okay. They're good old Ore-Ida Tater Tots®* (are there even any other kind?) sprinkled liberally with Lawry's, then topped with a mélange of Mexi-esque goodness: refried beans, pre-grated "Mexi" cheese (a combo of ched and jack), sour cream, chopped cilantro, onion and scallions, sliced black olives and a goodly glug of salsa (we were actually out of salsa, and i had to make some by pulsing some of my canned heirloom toms with a couple serrano chiles, some chopped onion and garlic, some cilantro and S&P. I added a little splash of vinegar for good mezh).

*omfg did you see that there is actually a link there to a recipe called Tater Tots Tuna Pie?!? I'm totally dying over it. The link is broken, but I might hafta reinvent this for the sake of Science. Also, did you know that Tater Tots come in two sizes: 32oz or FIVE POUNDS.

Serve with bong hits, Coke Zero and Super Mario Galaxy.

31 comments:

peter said...

Wow, you sure haven't hit the nausea part of your pregnancy yet. But you've got the phoning it in part DOWN.

Those bong hits will come in handy when you do start barfing, though.

Peter G said...

Hilarious although I bet the tasted great! Now let's see that tuna pie!

Jude said...

This just replaced the Prairie Oyster as my hangover cure of choice.

dp said...

As the mother of a young child, we are intimately familiar with tater tot creations. Your version looks great! We may need a tater tot night to ward off this crazy weather we're having.

BTW, you've done Dot's? It's fries, but their bacon, cheddar, sour cream and jalapenos is too die for!

Darius T. Williams said...

OMG - this is such a winner!

StickyGooeyCreamyChewy said...

Hmmm. Those look like just what I need right now. Tater tots make me happy. Totchos will probably make me delirious! They look fab!

Lindsay said...

Wait!!!! I had to delurk ... are you pregnant!?!?!?!? If so, congrats! Did I miss a post??

Manggy said...

Even in the depths (er, heights) of super mario galaxy guilty pleasures, you still couldn't help yourself and had to heirloom it up! ;) I love the "mexi-cheese." I'm trying to think of what actual mexican cheese is but cheddar and m. jack sound about right :)

The Dots thing Darlene's describing sounds awesome too.

And d'oh! I totally keep forgetting about the Wii (from your e-mail).

Bellini Valli said...

I absolutely love tater tots!!!!!!!!!!! Here in K-town we have Patchos inspired by a local restaurant made with those ridged and flat frozen fries.

Urban Explorette said...

It's offical. I love you. That's just all there is to it. Totchos - brilliant.

*writes tator tots on grocery list a second time and prepares to cure her SAD*

Matt said...

Jesus Christ you are a genius. I'm trying this straight away. That is if I can find Tater Tots here in the UK.

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

Love it love it love it. Tater Tots with nacho-esque topping? Since the closest thing you can get to that here in the NY area is "Disco Fries", I'm either poaching this recipe or I'm moving.

These would put Napoleon Dynamite over the edge with happiness, but he wouldn't be able to put them in his pocket anymore.

April in CT said...

My husband is a tater tot FREAK and will probably pass out from tater tot ecstasy when I make these. This is on my trashy menu for the weekend! Thanks Heather :o)

Syd said...

Bless your trashy heart for this one. I'm SO gonna be more creative with tots from now on.

Heather said...

Jube - Hugs, not drugs.

Petah - IT was pretty good, but next time I think I'll eat them in a tortilla.

Jude - Prairie oysters sound naughty.

Darlene - I love Dots' chile-cheese fries. I havent' been back since I quit smoking, but I can't wait to go in a month. :)

Darius - You're a winner. ;P

Susan - I'm telling you, they're better than Prozac!

Lindsay - I am NOT pregnant (as stated in the post), Peter just thinks he's fucking hilarious.

Marky - You can play all the Game Cube games on the Wii! I even have a collector''s edition GC disk of Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask that I pop in once in awhile, for real old time's sake. btw, I totally don't smoke pot anymore, I just mentioned it for effect.

Valli - I have had foie gras "nachos" using gaufrettes instead of chips. They were amazing.

Urban Explorette - Hey, you're not too shabby yourself.

Matt - I am impressed by the quickness with which you have adapted your speech to the English way. "Straight away"? Oh yeah, I noticed.

Rachel - I think I'd like this more if it had been covered in that awesome chili "meat" and nacho "cheese" that comes out of the dispensers at 7-11.

April - To do it right, I think you should add Pigs in a Blanket to the meal. Four food groups and all that.

Syd - I bet you could make some awesome tostones if K has one of those presses. You could call them tots-tones. Oh, man, I'm hilarious.

Mosby said...

There's a sushi joint by me that serves tots, fried, in a pail with a mayo/sriracha dipping sauce. Pair that with a dragon roll and a ice cold Sapporo, oh baby.

Tokyoastrogirl said...

Oh you dirty, dirty girl!

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

That looks like the most perfect food that was ever made!!! It doesn't get much better than tater tot nachos!!!

Pam said...

I am speechless... could it get any better?

Catherine Wilkinson said...

Hey Mama! These tots are the hots!
Here, deep down south in Arizonaland, we put our tots in a burrito with carnitas. Now THAT will make you with child.

cookiecrumb said...

Cranky invented Totchos, back in Florida in the early '80s. He called them "potachos," and they were made from baked potato skins.
Your version is way better.
I want the tuna pie. I'll beat you to it. (Retrofitting it, that is, sans recipe.) My mom made tuna casserole with a bag of potato chips. And a can of soup, of course.
I love being a dirtbag!

Marianne said...

Wow, are you pregnant?? Congratulations! I just wanted to say: this is the most yummy-looking Mexican dish I've ever seen . . .

We Are Never Full said...

holy shit. what the f is this? i'm going to go get high and come back and reread this post.

then i'm going to make this dish.

Heather said...

Jess - Holy shit, I am all over that. I keep forgetting the joy of misomayo and srirachi mayo.

Anne - Spank it. You love it!

Judy - No, ma'am, it sure doesn't. Maybe eating them on a hamburger would be good.

Pam - Like I said before, I think these need real nacho "cheese" to be their best.

Foxy Lady (aka Catherine) - Immaculate conception indeed! I need that in my belly.

Cookie - Oh god, do it!
This wonderful cuisine du detritus blanc should be shared.

Marianne - Haha, I'm totally NOT pregnant, Peter should just keep his day job.

Amy - Sounds like a plan. Man, when you say that over and over it sounds so weird. Like a different language or something. Wait, what?

Brittany said...

You forgot to mention the muchies when listing the ailmnents which totchos will cure, but I see you did instruct us to serve them with hits from the bong, so...

Chili-cheese nachos may have a new rival for my go-to marijuana food pairing.

I think it's time to twist a fattie right now. 'Cause I'm hungry for this.

Brittany said...

PS- You need to come up with a creative way to get back at Peter.

What a dick.

SOUP OF THE DAY said...

Oh YEAH!

What's Peter talking about? You're not pg, are you? What did I miss?

When I was pg, I ate about 300 pounds of tater tots.

The Spiteful Chef said...

Bringing "doy" back, huh? Can't say I disapprove.

Is Tuna Pie a euphemism?

Peter M said...

You know pubs are going to start putting this kind of booze-soaking food on their menus and I mean outside of PDX!

PS, congrats on your alleged pregnancy! ;)

Rick said...

Oh man I am so going to riff off this. Huevos con totchos any one?

Norm Schoen said...

Did I tell you that my birth place (Ontario, Oregon..population 5000) is the home of the original Ore-Ida Tater Tot?