Wednesday, September 03, 2008

French bread pizza!

...'cuz I'm even too lazy for store-bought bread dough!

No, I really wanted to make "real" pizza with actual dough, but New Seasons was out! What is this, Communist Russia? I want pizza in fifteen minutes, dammit! So I did the closest thing to phoning it in (besides a frozen pizza - who the fuck do you think I am, anyway?): French bread pizza.

Didn't you love French bread pizza day when you were a kid? I was a public school kid on the free lunch program, and French bread pizza day was truly the apex of my wee existence. Better, even, than chickenwiches with ranch sauce and tater tots. With chocolate milk. Thank you, tax payers, for all the delicious lunches I enjoyed as a kid. Because of you, I am afforded the luxury of waxing poetic about extinct vegetable varieties and why duck fat makes my proverbial dick hard. Like a proper, productive member of society.

But I digress. Oh, how I digress.

An artesanal loaf of garlic Romano bread was a fine stand-in for pizza crust. It was the kind of bread with perfect, crispity exterior and whole, roasted cloves of garlic studding the gossamer interior (not the dental crown-shattering, palate-scraping baguette). I sauteed some pork sausage with juicy fennel seed straight off the plant (not dry yet, very anetholic-sweet and green), chili flake and garlic. Then in the unctuous pork fat I browned some onion, poblano and summer squash, chopped cherry peppers and Swiss chard. Onto the halved and sauced loaf of good bread, a handful of mozz and pepper jack and into the oven it went until the cheese was melted.

Perfect Project Runway dinner. Also, tonight was the new season of Top Design! Between those shows (and Gossip Girl and Heroes and America's Next Top Model), I don't know how anyone can expect a girl to find time to cook and blog.

28 comments:

Emiline said...

First to comment!

I love French bread pizza. It's my mom's specialty.

I could go for a chickenwich with tater tots, too.

Manggy said...

You slay me, Heather. I've long wanted to say that... thing you just said (except mine ain't proverbial), but I'm constantly afraid of scaring off my female readers. As they are wont to do, lol.

Your pizza is too sophisticated. It needs tomato sauce out of the can, generic ham, and processed cheese food (er... Velveeta). Hee hee. No, I kid. I would gladly eat my poor-man's version; eating yours would be paradise.

The new ep of ANTM hasn't come in yet! I need my Tyra behaving like a fool fix!

Peter G said...

Oh! feed my French bread pizza heart! Add extra cheese and some jarred sliced olives and lashings of Tabasco!...You watch Heroes? It's my favourite show!!!!! I can't wait for season 3 to begin!

kittie said...

Ok... I've never had french bread pizza! As far as I can remember anyway...

Our pizza emergencies were also stopped with pita bread... or occasionally - naan!

But I think I could definitely be converted by this...

Syd said...

FUCK!! I missed the premiere of ANTM!!

Núria said...

What is French bread pizza? Why haven't I heard of it before? I live nearer to France than you!!!!!

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

Yum Heather. That could just be dinner tonight! The things I forget about...French bread pizza!

Nik Snacks said...

LOL@ Emiline. Isn't it fun to be 1st over here?

OK, so I was a public school kid for one year and I couldn't believe I could get pizza WITH ranch AND fries EVERYDAY!? Pshaw. For real. I loved chicken sandwich day. I love school pizza, with the tiny cubes of low-grade pepperoni and gobs of cheese. I wish I was at school right now...

Heather said...

Emiline - Your mom sounds rad. Aren't you totally craving a chickenwich now? I am. :(

Mark - I wouldn't be scared off, especially since you watch all my favorite gay shows. (And I used canned spaghetti sauce - gasp!)

Petah - If I had the olives I so woulda! The pizza was plenty spicy though, without the Tabasco. Not that you can ever have too much heat.

Kittie - I thought about getting some of that nice, thick Greek pita, but I wanted the (my) old school.

Syd - I actually didn't have time to catch it last night, but it should be on the Tivo. If it actually started this week.

Núria - They don't put pizza on bread in Spain? Haha, it must be an American thing. You should try it sometime! :P

Judy - Gah, there's a whole freezer case of Stouffer's atrocities just waiting to get turned into real food. :D

Heather said...

Nikki - I LOVED those creepy little pepperoni cubes! Sometimes I pick up a Totino's Party Pizza just so I can revisit.

glamah16 said...

That one sure beats the public school lunch program offerings. Now I want some.Im making my shopping list.

Lynn D. said...

What? You didn't put moose meat on sourdough and watch Sarah Palin?

peter said...

Sourdough is elitist. McCain's Stepford MILF takes her moosemeat straight up.

Did you see the video of him checking out her ass while he Freudian-fiddled with his wedding ring? Priceless.

cookiecrumb said...

Anetholic. My new word; thanks.
(And somehow your pizza doesn't look like, um... you know, "CB.")

Ken Albala said...

My school growing up in NJ sure never served anything as beautiful as this. For authentic, you really need to start with a stodgey dough, laid on too thick, covered with a really sweet ketchupy tomato sauce, and then imitation mozarella, which slides off. Never a topping. It MUST be cut into rectangles. And is most authentic slightly congealed, and charred on the bottom. I doubt anything like this can be bought frozen anymore, but with patience it can be recreated at home for those who wax nostalgic. Always called "Pizza w/ Cheese" as if there were some other kind without.

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

I was JUST talking about french bread pizza - and we almost made them, except we had no french bread, so we settled for pita pizzas - the thinner cousin. :)

[eatingclub] vancouver || js said...

Having only had some crappy fast food the past couple of days, this is the kind of "fast food" that I need and want to be eating. Tonight. If possible.

Heather said...

Courtney - I'm sure there's a Jamie Oliver joke in here somewhere.

Lynn - I'm sure she just eats the heart and throws the rest away.

Jube - Scott thought it looked like he was checking out her tits.

Cookiecrumb - What does CB stand for? Are you being naughty?

Ken - Oh man, I still jones for that failure pile pizza. So hard! I always loved it when it was slightly doughy under the tomato-esque sauce.

Jenn - There must be something in the air! I almost got the pita, but went for the loaf instead.

JS - You can totally make that happen. Do eet!

Torina said...

kk"why duck fat makes my proverbial dick hard" oh Heather, I think I just became a lesbian and fell in love with you. I busted out laughing so loud I woke the kids. I've been blogstalking for months now. Mostly because you say fucking a lot and I love reading what you write. And also cause I love to eat and you make fabulous food.

Bellini Valli said...

I loved French bread pizza as a kid...hey I still love it now as a quirky old &%#$:D

Heather said...

Torina - Well gosh, I don't know what to say. (blush) Thank you so much for finally piping up! :)

Valli - Hey, you're not old! ;)

MrOrph said...

Okay...I can't keep up!!!! Damn Heather, this FB 5/wk gig is hard work...FOR ME!!! :-)

We used to do these all the time before I started making my own crust. Now, I am obsessed with getting a "perfect" crust and I am close.

Nice zucchini too!

cookiecrumb said...

{{clown barf}}

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Looks gorgeous! I was a French bread pizza fan as a kid, too.

Norm Schoen said...

Just the mere mention of duck fat gets me aroused...

We Are Never Full said...

OMG... blast from the mother fucking past. FRENCH BREAD PIZZA. This reminds me of watching "Double Trouble" or Silver Spoons on Friday nights with a baby sitter I hated and getting made dinner before my parents went out on the town. French bread pizza... memories!

cook eat FRET said...

of the aforementioned i only watch project runway. but religiously. and from the first season. even my boyfriend loves it...

do you think those models eat french bread pizza with pork fat fried stuff on it???

Brittany said...

The description of this pizza made my proverbial dick hard.

Have you seen the new 90210 yet? I haven't, but am curious. It seems kind of sacrelig, but possibly worth it to see Brenda and Kelly together.