Saturday, September 06, 2008

Fried squash blossoms

Yes, I fucking did it, so get off my back already! Actually, it wasn't that bad. Contrarily, I might start viewing all foods through the Scottish "these'd be crakin fried" lens now (eh, Kittie?). This will spell ultimate doom for my figure. My muffin tops don't need any help getting buttered, thankyouverymuch!

I really don't know why I procrastinated so long. I'm really not afraid of frying, but the leftover oil will have to be dumped into a pile of wadded newspaper and thrown away in the trash so I don't assrape the municipal water system. (I really hope none of you are actually dumping used grease down the drain!)

My froggy sponge holder is sneering at me mockingly in perfect focus. Froggy and my camera think it's pretty funny to fuck with me like this, and are having a grand old laugh. You can't see it in the (terrible, terrible) picture, but I stuffed my little pattypan blossoms with a mixture of fromage blanc, chopped brie (the wedge I bought in July had started growing rind on the cut sides), minced shallot and fines herbs. Just tease the blossom open, stuff a little spoonful of filling in and close the campanulate corolla lobes back together (uh, the "petals").

The batter is so simple! Don't waste your money on packaged tempura batter mix - just plain flour (wheat or rice) and ice-cold club soda (you could also use beer, but why waste it?). I also added some garlic powder and chopped herbs to the batter just for shits and gigs.

Next time I would use a fattier cheese (chevre or mascarpone would be creamier), because the fromage blanc didn't really melt or get gooey - it just doesn't have enough fat. I think even just the little hunks of Havarti that I originally planned would have worked, but I didn't want something too heavy, because I made these to go with a peppery flatiron steak, another batch of that corn-roasted poblano pudding (this time cooked in a terrine for easy slicing - having brunch guests tomorrow) and tomato salad.

So I know someone is totally going to make these, take a sunshine-backlit, properly exposed photo and get it on Tastespotting. And everyone will think, "oh, how clever _____ is to make these!" and ______ will get all that sweet, sweet blog traffic and the extra $3.28 from Foodbuzz this month. Not like I'm claiming to have invented them or anything, I just made them with this unique and delicious filling and then photographed them poorly. Which, in the blogging thing, means I may as well have never made them at all.


Emily said...

Submit to Tastespotting! How could they resist these blossoms?

Peter G | Souvlaki For The Soul said...

Beautiful Heather! I probably would have used mascarpone too...but it never seems to last in my place. As for "fear of frying" I'm glad you combated it.

Núria said...

Even with the cheese filling these flowers must taste like heaven! They look supercrunchy!!! Delicious :D.
You can also keep all your used oil and make soap out of it :D

Anonymous said...

Frikkin A these look fabulous. I have never seen blossoms in the market here...and I don't have a it possible to grow these on a patio? lol They are freaking gorgeous, too.

Alicia Foodycat said...

The sneering froggy picture is Art. I think I am going to have to give this a go - our zucchini has loads of male flowers being completely useless.

Manggy said...

I'm not a Foodbuzz member, so I say, pfft, just go for it ;) Of course, I have a natural attraction to all things fried :)
Let me guess... Because the petals are fused near the base, you refuse to call them such and refer to them by their aggregate name? I'm guessing from etymology that campanulate means bell-shaped :)
I like using prepacked tempura batter mixes, because I'm afraid if I mix it myself it'll turn into bread :/ I'll have to use your tips!

Anonymous said...


plase dont angry me......

i inform you about Islam acording to Islam.

BISMILLAH AR RAHMAN AR RAHIM (In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful)
Peace to all who follow hidayath (guidance, the correct path)!
Islam…for whom? For every person upon whom Allah has bestowed life and intellect. For those who can see the blessings of Allah. For those who can hear the Words of Allah. For those who can comprehend the evidences of Allah. For those whose hearts are full of love and gratitude to Allah. For you, for me, and for those whose blessed hearts are open to faith in Islam.

I invite you to Islam for your eternal happiness. Eternal felicity, salvation and peace are in Islam. Goodness and light are in Islam. I just want to warn you at facing to terrible penalty. There is no compulsion in Islam and I don't force you. Because Hidayath (İslam:the correct path) is distinct from error. Allah jalla jalaluh is An-Nur: He who gives light to all the worlds, who illuminates the faces, minds and hearts of His servants. Allah is Al-Haadi. He who provides guidance. The true guidance is light from Allah. You are at the Presence of Allah and you should alone invoke Allah that Allah illuminated your face, mind and heart (spiritual) and provided your guidance. Allah is Al-Mu'min: He who awakes the light of faith in our hearts.
Allah is At-Tawwab: He who is ever ready to accept repentance and to forgive sins (Relenting)). Narrated by Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) - Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said, "If a person embraces Islam sincerely, then Allah shall forgive all his past sins, and after that starts the settlement of accounts: the reward of his good deeds will be ten times to seven hundred times for each good deed, and an evil deed will be recorded as it is unless Allah forgive it. 'Wouldst thou that thou shouldst be purified (from sin)?

Human being certainly prone to evil unless my Rubb (Lord) do Bestow His Mercy). You never must submit Satan. Because satan great enemy for mankind. You should not submit absolutely except Allah. Because Allah is your Rubb (The Lord). Mankind should not obey own self desires, passions, feelings, prejudices and whispers of Satan. You shouldn't be one of arrogant and ignorant humans. Be resolute to enter Islam (the only true way, the Straight Way). Please you should not afraid of truth.
; and if any one believes in Allah (The Only One Ilâh), (Allah) guides his heart (aright): for Allah knows all things. ((64)At-Taqhabun: 11)
Qur'an is the remembrance of Allah and is stated in the Qur'an: "Those who believe (for Muslims), and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction. (13: 28)
You should return to the Path (Islam) of Allah (Allah is alone worthy of worship). Allah revealled to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and is stated in the Holy Qur'an: And those who strive in Our (cause), - We will certainly guide them to our Paths: For verily Allah is with those who do right. (29: 69)

Life is trial and is stated in English Translation of the meaning of the Holy Qur'an: The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing). "Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good, and to Us you will be returned."(21: 35)

Allah hath promised to Believers (Mu'min, one who has faith in Islam), men and women, gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss. But the greatest bliss is a good accaptence from Allah: that is the supreme felicity (triumph). (A-Tawba, 72)
For those who respond to their Lord, are (all) good things. But those who respond not to Him,- Even if they had all that is in the heavens and on earth, and as much more, (in vain) would they offer it for ransom. For them will the reckoning be terrible: their abode will be Hell, - what a bed of misery! (Ar-Rad, 18)

By (the Token of) Time (through the ages),
Verily Man is in loss,
Except such as have Faith (Faith in Islam), and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy. (1, 2, 3; The Surah Al-Asr (103))

Allah jalla jalaluh revealled Prophet Muhammad (pbuh): Say: "What has come to me by inspiration is that your Allah is One Allah: will yet herefore bow to His Will (in Islam)?" (21: 108)

It is very easy to accept Islam, only one Haqq ( absolute truth) Deen ( deen, the completely way of life). Your repentance is the testimony of faith. Revive by holding fast to the Rope of Allah (Qur'ân). At first you must reject Taghut (Anything worshipped or obeyed other than Allah (jalla jalaluh)). Sincerely Say Shahada (Confession of a Muslim) for your eternal felicity and Do rescue! You should convert from kufr (denying Islam) and shirk (to float true and error) to Islam. Submit your will to Islam and escape monotony: 'ESH'HADU ANLA ILAHE ILL'ALLAH, WA ESH'ADHU AN'NA MOHAMMED'EN ABDUHU WA RASULUHU'
I bear witness that there is no Ilâh (worthy of worship) except Allah (The Only One Almighty, Only One Rubb (Lord)) and Allah has no partners; and I bear witness that Muhammad is His abeed (servant) and Messenger.

O mankind! Do your duty to your Lord (Rubb) by fearing Allah, and avoid (the coming of) a Day when no father can avail aught for his son, nor a son avail aught for his father. Verily, the promise of Allah is true: let not then this present life deceive you, nor let the chief Deceiver (satan) deceive you about Allah. (The Holy Qur'an 31: 33)

THE REASONS OF KNOWING ISLAM WRONGLY: 1- Unfortunately, Most of human exactly does not know Islam according to Islam. Most of mankind has lost its own sense faculties because those people are in comfort, amusement, has the passion of earn much money. Most of human is in being drunk of amusament, football, music, secularism, ideologies. Sustanance and blessings are not favour of Allah. They are all handle of trial. Satan shows evil to Islam to Non-Muslims. By going through the teachings of Islam, it is clear that such a religion has only come to benefit mankind - not to destroy it. So why is there so much hatred for this noble religion in the West? The answer is simple, the media. It is the Jewish influenced media of the West which has portrayed Islam to be something that it is not. Those are who wanted to deceive human beings, always attack Islam. With regret, some people knowingly change translations of Holy Qur'an. This unkind behavior causes that some people can misunderstand Holy Qur'an. Learn Islam from true sources. Islam have illuminated universe. Islam is the soul of universe. Some people can not understand Qur'an and completely can not profit by Qur'an since they have not belief in hereafter. Belive hereafter acoording to Islam.
Your Allah is One Allah, Allah is alone worthy of worship). But for those who believe not in the Hereafter, their hearts deny (the faith in the Oneness of Allah), and they are proud.(16: 22)
Had We sent down this Qur'an on a mountain, verily, thou wouldst have seen it humble itself and cleave asunder for fear of Allah. Such are the similitudes which We propound to men that they may reflect. (59: 21)
2- Most of men approached with prejudices, glasses of horse and in a deviation. However If they had not approached with prejudice, bigotry and idea obsession. they would have understood Islam. Some of men understand completely way of life is a great problem. This idea is not valid for Islam. This idea is a conjecture and fictitious. Islam presents Divine Laws that guide all aspects of life by distinguishing right from wrong."
3- Deeds of hypocrites who are the one of the greatest enemy of Islam.
4- Most of men confuses with Muslim and Islam. Islam is excellent. There is no fault in Islam. Muslim is a Human being. The Human being can mistake. Islam doesn't want to commit a sin, make a mistake. Mistakes, crimes, sins never attribute Islam. There is no a community of representation in Islam. Communities never represent Islam. Muslims only serve Allah with utmost sincerity.
5- Muslims exactly did not submit Islam with a great sincerity. Most of governments usually did not govern according to Islam. Some Non-Muslim president want to control Muslims and make Muslims in slave for destroying Islam with their all powers. Some imperialist president, missionaries and Zionists exploit for own self benefits wealthes of the countries that Muslims especially lived.
6-The effect of Islam had not showed in Europe in spite of paths of tasawwuf (Sufism, mysticism). Tasawwuf is a false way and exlectic structure. This is Bid'ah (innovation) related to belief. Tasawwuf is not existing in Islam. Islam is not tasawwuf. Muslim belive Islam and not believe Tasawwuf. Islam is never been synthesized with any philosophy and any ideology. Islam rejected all ideologies.

Brittany said... am I supposed to follow Allah!?

Those look bad ass. I would eat the whole plate.

Peter M said...

It's good to see my favourite potty-mouthed blogger waxing f-ing poetic and fryin' up zuke blossoms.

The pics drive home how good these musta' been.

giz said...

So judging by what's in the comments one could say that zucchini blossoms become a religious experience :)

MrOrph said...

They look really tasty!!!

You know, I've never even seen a squash blossom. I am so missing out.

Mosby said...

Those blossoms are so gorgeous, so decadent (brie!), surely they must be haram! But, then again, as I'm an infidel, I doubt Allah cares what I eat. Pass 'em on down!

Jen said...

I love squash blossoms. One fave stuffing we use is fresh mozz and proscuitto.

We just saute, though...

Lovely blossoms!

maybelles mom said...

I have the same fear of frying.

Norm Schoen said...

I am so jealous, you seem to have your own terrorist/groupie (congrats, I think..) I am surprised that he reads your stuff with all the pork posts you have done.

Norm Schoen said...

If you are really worried about caloric intake with these go ahead and call me the next time you whip up a batch. I would be happy to eat so you don't have to worry about losing your girlish figure : D

Thistlemoon said...

I don't think your pictures look terrible! Nice job on the blossoms!

Susan @ SGCC said...

They're just beautiful! I'm so jealous! A little chevre or boursin would have been good too.

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

Yay!!! Those turned out beautifully! I have tried goat cheese in them but to be honest I prefer them without stuffing at all. Just some nice tempura (your's sounds great) and quickly fried and eaten!

Heather said...

Em - They'll find a way.

Petah - Can you believe I've never even made fried chicken? It's on my to-do list.

Núria - I never use corn oil to make soap, only soy, olive and coconut. I should filter my cooking oil - what a great idea!

Nikki - You could probably grow a little crookneck or zuke in a pot! You should.

Foodycat - Yes! They really don't do anything but make pollen. They are perfect vehicles for crispy fried goodness and melted cheese.

Mark aka Mr. Smarty-Pants! - Yes, it really only takes flour and ice-cold club soda or (cheap, light beer) and a pinch of salt.

H - Sigh. FYI - Rubb is not my Lord. The whistles go Woo WOO! Know what I'm sayin'?

Brittany - You don't. Sorry, them's the breaks.

Peter the Mutha-Fuckin' Greek! - Welcome home.

Giz - Next time I'll put bacon in them.

Donald - Grow some zucchini some time! You'll see plenty. I wonder what other flowers would be delicious fried? Ooh, dandelion fritters...

Jess - If Allah didn't want us to eat fried cheese, he wouldn't have given us the intelligence to make it.

Jen - I have been enjoying just eating them sauteed, too. The frying is a nice once-in-awhile treat.

Maybelle's Mom - It's safer than the train, I hear. ;)

Norm - I do need to call in a favor, so I guess I'd better get that pot heated up...

Jenn - That's sweet of you to say, but I think everyone knows you're too nice to say if they sucked! (^_-)

Susan - I had been eyeing the boursin, but then I went for the bargain-buy. Next time, for sure...

Judy - You really cut to the chase, don't you! :) I thought the shattery, crisp tips without cheese were pretty stellar, too.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm love the frou frou filling. These would have gone great with my succotash tonight.

Just Cook It said...

'Which, in the blogging thing, means I may as well have never made them at all.' So painfully true. But funny.

Laura Paterson said...

Welcome to the dark side Heather! Another couple of fry posts and we may even make you an honorary Scot ;)

Some places do oil recycling btw, it's worth checking out. And filter the oil through some cheese cloth to get a few uses out of it!

Heather said...

Marc - Your succotash was thufferin'. That was intended as a compliment. ;)

Alex - I'll build a better light box, and I'll show them! I'll show them all!

Kittie - I'm having visions of fried pizza and Milky Way bars as we speak.

michael, claudia and sierra said...

fucking tastespotting. they refused my last 5 entries... and then i is see some of what is accepted - like a piece of raw vegetable shot all artily and it pisses me off because i actually went and COOKED a dish of food. i give the fuck up on tastespotting.

loved this post

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

I wish I could take a picture of something called a "squash blossom" that looks so good you forget that it's called a "squash blossom".

I have been getting over my own fears about frying in the past couple of years. It's one of those things you just have to trust yourself and try - and keep trying if necessary. Looks like you succeeded.

glamah16 said...

I fry so little and I confess I dumbed it. I should have known better. I will do better. Gladd you fried them! I dont fry chicken much either. Sometine sitd to much ofa pain to submit to Tastespotting and food buzz. Im am getting lazy and less ambitious in my old age I get.

Heather said...

Claudia - It's gotten even more restrictive since the reboot. Fuck you if you're not a Daring Baker trying to get a photo on there.

Rachel - I'm thinking about tempura a lot more now.

Courtney - Are you posting comments from your Crackberry again? :D

Brittany said...

Oh nommy. I've had chevre-stuffed squash blossoms, but never deep fried...You took something awesome and made it awesomer.
Now, let me talk to you about the church of jesus christ of latter day saints.......

Lo said...

Oh, YUM.
I'll admit to having only limited luck in frying squash blossoms (I usually wimp out and throw them in a quesadilla just to be done with the whole quandary). But, tempura... that's a better idea.

As for tastespotting... yeah, I concur. Am getting jaded.

Mike of Mike's Table said...

I've always wanted to try something like this...I've just never found the blossoms. They look great! And rofl about the Tastespotting/Foodbuzz comment...

Anonymous said...

These look just awesome! As for you h, interpretation of the words of the prophet into languages other than Arabic is apostasy. Judging by your own words, you know this. And yet you not only do it, but preach it to the world. Shame on you. :)

Valerie Harrison (bellini) said...

I have cravings for these for years since I had them in Greece and Aglaia made them for me. I suppose if I want blossoms I'll have to move back into a house and grow squash to cure my insatiable urges.

Heather said...

Brittany - Heh, it hadn't occurred to me that I could just stuff them and not fry them.

Lo - Yeah, I'm at about a 25% success rate, but the suck is that they're #2 on the list of referencing sites to my blog, just below Google. So I have to keep trying. :(

Mike - Now that things should be cooling down a bit for you, can you grow a zucchini plant?

Anonymous - Thanks! And you just pwned h.

Valli - Maybe you can grow a pot of them on a terrace?

Nikki @ NikSnacks said...

"close the campanulate corolla lobes back together " Dude...that's kinda sexy. LOL

OK, so I hear you about that Foodbuzz jazz. Oh well, maybe if I had a real camera, I wouldn't be ashamed to post half of my photos up here :(

Tanno said...

Whenever I have a garden this is one of my favorite summer recipes, but I don't use any cheese in the center - just ground nuts, fresh spices and bread crumbs. Num num.